All posts by “Fede”

January 21, 2015

11 Italian Expressions That Will Weird You Out

From the creator of the acclaimed  8 Italian expressions having to do with poop (yep, that’s me!), here comes another dive into the darkness of the Italian language.

Delightfully vulgar and creepily truthful, this blog post is not suitable for pregnant women, minors or pregnant minors.

Here we go:

take_someone_by_the_ass

To take someone by the ass or Prendere per il culo means making a fool of someone, joking or even conning somebody.

Usage Examples:

– So you don’t really own a boa constrictor?
– LOL. No, we’ve been taking you by the ass the whole time!
– Haha!

or

– The commercial says I’m gonna lose 20 Kg in two weeks!
– That must be a take by the ass, there’s no way something like that is doable

or

– I was out visiting my friend Micheal
– Really? Too bad that I’ve met Micheal and you were not with him! Do you really think you can take me by the ass like that?! Read More

January 15, 2015

Hair – A Tribute

The internet knows things about you which you’re still not aware of. Anything you’ve ever shared, anything you’ve written while you were drunk or angry or in search of attention, is recorded and delineates a big picture of behaviours and thoughts that is bigger than your consciousness.

In particular, what the internet told me recently is that I speak a lot about hair.

In fact, it turns out hair is the topic I tweet about the most.

Hard to admit it, but that makes sense. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my puffy, untamable hair. I think it’s a feisty component of my look and (when it gets too long) it makes me stand out against my will. It’s what makes my shadow look like the one of a Playmobil figure and what makes my life motto “Every day is a bad hair day”.

On the other hand it’s also true that 30 years after my birth my hair is still right where it belongs. I’m gonna celebrate that by going down memory lane with a selection of tweets that the Internet is kindly harvesting for me.

 

September 3. 2013 – Porn Hair

September 10. 2013 – Lost Hair

 

September 12. 2013 – Wishful Hair

September 27. 2013 – Tribute Hair

Read More

the iceland car game
December 8, 2014

The Iceland Car Game

A trip to Iceland is not a trip to Iceland without hours upon hours (upon hours) of driving.

Of course most of the time will be spent being amazed by the stunning scenery and wowing at phenomenal natural landscapes – duh!

But there will also be dull moments in which the sixth rainbow sighting in 30 minutes won’t look so magnificent.

The following game is exactly for those moments.

(click on the image to see a better resolution)

the iceland car game

infographic_consequence_buying_blender
November 29, 2014

[Infographic] Should You Buy a Blender?

When I bought my first blender I was full of hopes and dreams about it.

I thought I’d become a new, healthier man who exercises regularly and asks his friends “Is this BIO? Oh, right, it’s not, you can really taste the difference”.

The truth turned out to be a little different than that. If you’re considering buying a blender you should be aware of the unexpected, comical, useless, disappointing consequences and this infographic is for you.

infographic_consequence_buying_blenderI made this with Easel.ly

 What you want to happen

 

Becoming the new Gwyneth Paltrow

Read More

Alanis_Morissette,_Thank_U_(Stéphane_Sednaoui)
November 12, 2014

The Indian Abduction or My first Bollywood movie

I started this post more than one year ago. I started it and then realized how painful and traumatic would have been to relive the time of my kidnapping; those three endless hours in which I got psychologically tortured by a bunch of Indian folks.

I wished I could erase this from my mind and pretend it didn’t happen.

I wished I could forget everything and not having to talk about it again.

I wished a lot of things, but then some days ago I found this in my mailbox.

 

bollywoodatbabylon

The movie theatre Babylon, in Berlin, is giving away free tickets for a couple of Indian movies and I can’t – I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN’T – let Bollywood make another victim. Read More

keep_your_friends_close
October 20, 2014

Keep your friends close and your enemies’ closet

Sometimes miracles happen.

Not stuff like resurrecting the dead or being able to lick your own elbow, though. Nothing like that. I’m talking about those everyday gestures that surprise you in their simplicity, like a selfless act of kindness coming from someone you don’t expect.

Take my neighbour, for example.

She’s changing the furniture in her flat and instead of throwing everything away she’s decided to donate her old (but still respectable) closet to whoever wants it.

IMG_0987

It warms my heart, if I think about it. Read More

baby
October 13, 2014

[Quiz] Which Dirty Dancing Baby are you?

Warning! This is not Buzzfeed. If you wanna take this personality quiz you’re going to need a piece of paper and a pencil to note down your answers, like real men (and women!) do. If you’re a lazy bum, just go on Buzzfeed and find out if you’re a bad person (which you are, if you’re leaving this page).

I recently found out that my boyfriend has never seen Dirty Dancing and a part of me died forever.

The only thing I can do is honoring this undiscussable masterpiece and its protagonist with a quiz.

baby

 

Can you lick your elbow?

A) I cannot. I’m a failure.

B) Nothing’s impossible. Believe in your dreams.

C) Sure! Haven’t you seen my latest Facebook Album?

D) No, but I can lick yours if you let me

You run into that boy you have a crush on. You:

Read More

the parent trap
September 8, 2014

The Parent (Jocks)Trap

It’s time for me to come clean before my mom leaks this on the internet.

The Parent Trap was by far my favourite movie as a kid.

the parent trap

In case you don’t know it, the story is about two twin sisters separated at young age (one lives with her dad, one with her mom) who meet for the first time at a summer camp and develop a plan to reunite their parents.

I guess what I found charming was the idea of meeting someone who is exactly like you, speaks like you, looks like you and  with whom you share an immediate, indissoluble bond. It sounded comforting. Read More

suck_my_shit
September 1, 2014

It’s my party and I abruptly quit my job if I want to

Two weeks ago I turned 30.

Also, I quit my job. Not on the exact same day and not without having a plan B (FYI: I’m now working for Shopalike.it – YAY!), but it did nevertheless feel sudden and unsettling.

Over time the company changed names, faces, direction and pretty much everything you can think of, but I worked there for almost four years (way longer than my longest relationship!) and leaving was bittersweet.

What happened is that I got interviewed, was given the new job, resigned and BAM – two weeks later I was out of the door.

Since I haven’t had the time to properly mourn, I decided to write this post. It’s about the weirdest stuff I found on my very messy Desktop on my last day at the old job.

It feels like the boring flashback episode of a 90s sit-com, but what can you do about it?

A thoughtful (and creepy) Valentine’s Day Card

valetine day card

The day I considered a career change and researched hairdressers specialized in horses

Read More

catherine_b
August 18, 2014

Catherine B – We Children of Alexa’s Food Court

In the beginning was Kreuzberg.

With its cozy restaurants, hipster cafés and mandatory vegetarian alternatives, this district of Berlin was the garden of Eden of lunch opportunities and thus a perfect location for any office. With an infinite range of healthy options, doing the right thing always came natural to me and my co-workers.

Moving to Mitte, right after that, was the real game changer. Whilst this district can seduce you with its neat streets and beautiful buildings, some parts of it don’t make the hunt for food an enjoyable process. On our first day at the new office, me and my friend Catherine wandered through a desert of hot concrete and pretty facades in search of something to eat.

We felt like Jesus: hungry, fatigued and about to be tested in the Wilderness.

After 40 days and 40 nights (actually we have a 1 hour lunch break, so it must have been 10 minutes) the devil appeared in front of us in all its tempting charme disputable architectural choices.

Alexa

Alexa by Nicolas Nova on Flickr

 

Alexa, one of the biggest malls in Berlin, whispered in our ears promises of high-in-carbs delicious lunches. We knew our diet was being tested and remembered that when Satan offered Jesus all the kingdoms of the World and their splendor, J was like “I’m fine, thanks.”.

Of course the “splendor” part couldn’t possibly include air conditioning, frozen yogurt or 20 minutes on an armchair that gives you a full body massage. And above all, it certainly didn’t include a food court. Read More