One of the greatest things about living far from home is that distance brings clearness.

In particular, the less you speak your mother tongue, the more you start noticing tiny little things about it.

Sometimes it’s cute things, like the fact that the words sonnellino (nap in Italian) and burrone (Italian for ravine) sound pretty hilarious.

And then there’s those other times in which you realize something gross that will make you wanna return your passoport, like the fact that the language you’ve spoken nonstop for 26 years has kind of a poop fixation.

Here’s why.

Pooping someone or Cagare qualcuno means paying attention to what somebody is saying or, more generically, to notice someone.

Usage Examples:

– How’s it going with Francesco? Has he asked you out yet?
– Not at all. He barely poops me….

OR

– …and after that could you please drive the kids to school?
– ……
– Hello?! Could you poop me?
– Uh?
– What’s on your mind lately? You’re so distracted!

To make someone poop or Fare cagare a qualcuno means to arouse disgust/disapproval in somebody or simply not being liked by someone.

Usage Examples:

– How was the movie?
– It made me poop! It was so so bad!

OR

– Look! I can slip a whole carrot up my nose!
– Bleargh! You make [everyone] poop!

To poop yourself under or Cagarsi sotto means being scared or anxious about something. A regional variation is also Cagarsi in mano, which can be literally translated as Pooping in your own hand

Usage Examples:

– Are you ready for tomorrow’s exam?
– Not at all. I’m still missing the last 5 chapters. I’m totally pooping myself under.

OR

– I knew you wouldn’t have the guts to do it. You’re such an Underpooper.

Pooping outside or Cagare fuori means being inappropriate or out of line in a specific situation.

Usage Examples:

– I can’t believe you said that to her. I’m sorry but you really pooped outside this time…

Shitty or Di Merda means exactly what you think it means.

Usage Examples:

– How did the exam go?
– Shitty!

OR

– What a shitty day!

OR

– What a shitty man. I’ll tell you this: he doesn’t deserve your love!

To make a figure made of shit or Fare una figura di merda means embarrassing yourself. Clearly one of my many talents.

Usage Examples:

– You asked her if she’s pregnant?! She just gained a lot of weight lately!
– I know, fuck, I made a figure of shit.

Yes, that’s right. No, you didn’t misread. Being a Dicks Pooper or Cagacazzi means being extremely annoying.

Usage Examples:

– Shall we invite Anna to the party?
– Oh no. No. She’s a total Dicks Pooper.

OR

– I don’t want you to meet him again!
– WTF! I’ll meet whoever I want! Could you please stop pooping my dick?!

Giving yourself some shit or Darsi della merda means thinking too much of yourself.

Usage Examples:

– I could never date that guy. He’s constantly speaking about himself…He clearly gives himself some shit.