Planet Earth, Civilized World, 2016.
A scientific study reveals that as our lives get increasingly more frantic, we don’t have time to fully express our emotions.
As a consequence, we miss out on those precious, special moments like sending out Christmas cards, writing love letters or showing our superiority by patronizing each and every one of our co-workers through passive-aggressive office emails addressed to everybody in the company.
If you feel like your colleagues are pushing your buttons but have no time to put together a proper rant, look no further! These six ready-to-use email templates will save you tons of time while still ensuring to voice your frustrations and secret homicidal instincts.
- Scenario #1 – Too many milk cartons opened in the office fridge
- Scenario #2 – Colleagues not using toilet brush
- Scenario #3 – Co-workers leaving trash on their desks
- Scenario #4 – Co-workers stealing food from the office fridge
- Scenario #5 – Co-workers finishing coffee without making new one
- Scenario #6 – Colleagues opening every window
Scenario #1 – Too many milk cartons opened in office fridge
Email Subject: Milk Farm
Dear co-workers,
I hope you’re doing great.
I’m writing this email ’cause I happened to open the refrigerator looking for milk and found what must have been thirteen hundred cartons opened of the exact same thing.
Whoever is responsible for this, I’m sure they’re doing it for a higher purpose, like running a secret lab experiment for an Agro-Industrial company or developing a bio-chemical weapon to finally extinct the human race.
Whatever the reason is, though, I have to admit that I kinda prefer my milk liquid. I do not enjoy the sound of milk plopping into my coffee in jelly balls bigger than human testicles nor I find it enticing when that first spoonful of cereal in the morning tastes like vomit from two weeks ago.
For all these reasons, I’d be grateful if you could check for existing cartons in the fridge before you open new ones and ideally – but I know it might be asking too much – write the date in which you open one, ’cause beverages taste so much better when they’re not alive.
Have a wonderful day,